What is a narcissist?
There are a lot of articles on the internet about narcissists.
With a little googling we can learn some of the characteristics of a narcissist and come to the realization that being narcissistic is a personality disorder.
Here are some examples from the Mayo Clinic. A narcissist…
- Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Expects to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerates achievements and talents
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believes that he/she is superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
- Requires constant admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement.
If you are in contact with a narcissist, I’m sure you could add a few definitions of your own to this list.
There’s more than one type of narcissist, too
It may interest you to know that narcissists can manifest in a few different types, some examples being
- The introvert narcissist (“Oh, you don’t want to worry about me, I did this and it’s amazing, but no need to talk about it, no, no it’s fine…well if you insist…“)
- The overt narcissist (“Well yes, you know, it WAS me and I really think most people underrate me for my skills and abilities – give me some time and I’ll explain in some depth how I always get overlooked.“)
- The covert narcissist (“Let’s just stay home and we can spend all our time together, after all you know how uncomfortable I get in big crowds and I like my ‘you’ time“)
- The parasitic narcissist (“I know I said I would start looking for a job this month, but my back has flared up again and I need to take another break, you understand...”)
- The cerebral narcissist (“She’s not very clever you know, I have ten times the knowledge and I didn’t even study that subject – let me tell you what I know and how I know it…“)
- The somatic narcissist (“You know how important appearance is to me, get my green juice ready at 7 am sharp so I can get to the gym, keep in shape, have plenty of time to change – did you get to press my clean shirt?“.).
Sometimes narcissists can shift or even oscillate between 2 types of behavior to get what they need from others, somatic to cerebral, for example.
What about the narcissist’s Personal Energy Field?
Here are some things I have noticed in my travels as a Personal Energy Coach. If you want to avoid getting involved with a narcissist or recognize one in your family group or circle of friends, in my experience this is how narcissistic energy manifests.
The first thing to understand is that if you agree to regularly connect with a narcissist, you may end up becoming ‘narcissistic supply‘.
Yes, just like a drug dealer.
That means in terms of energetics quite literally, you give and the narcissist takes.
Initially, it may not seem that way. If you are in an intimate relationship or close friendship with a narcissist, you may be having a blast and be feeling wonderful, since this person is giving you so much attention, praise, and connection. It’s amazing! Just what you had always dreamed of.
And once you are emotionally (and energetically) connected, the tables will start to turn and the flow of energy will switch.
The ‘glow’ you felt at the beginning of your connection will be a vague memory, unless, that is, the narcissist feels your attention waning, in which case he/she will switch the headlights back on in your direction to top you up with some glamor love to get you back online.
The energetic difference between a narcissist and you
The difference is, quite often, that a narcissist gets their vital force, energy, ‘chi’, whatever you want to call it, from others. I know it sounds a bit scary, but the upside is they can only ever get it from you with your agreement.
If you have a regular spiritual practice and connect with g-d, the Greater Than Self, group consciousness and Gaia or put your word here _____________ then you won’t need to get your vital force from anyone else in a body, and nor would you want to.
In the case of a narcissistic personality disordered person, their energy field has been disrupted by a series of events. It could have been one huge trauma, but more often than not narcissistic habits derive from a long drawn out experience of bad parenting, an extreme trauma, or a combination of both.
You may have been subject to bad parenting of course, but in your case, as Patricia Evans would say in her amazing book Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You, you will have had a parent or carer who was a ‘compassionate witness’.
Were you a compassionate witness, or know someone who was in your life?
Your compassionate witness may have been silent, but they saw how you were mistreated and knew it was wrong.
You felt this growing up, and as a result, became aware that there was a different universe out there waiting for you than the picture the narcissist is painted in your mind.
When a narcissist is created through family trauma, it’s possible that he/she had no one present to witness their suffering, so the person came to believe that this behavior was natural and normal.
This resulted in what is termed ‘the narcissistic wound‘, an essential break or disruption in the person’s energy field
The end result of this essential wound is that a person’s own energy flow is broken between the growth of their child self and their adult self.
This, in turn, shuts down the growth of the inner world. As the individual grows, they will become aware that they are suffering an energy deficit.
To survive, the individual learns to put out energetic feelers into others’ energy fields to draw on the energy they cannot contact in their own world, to make themselves feel better.
So, can you feel when your energy is being taken? That is one way to identify a narcissist.