What is a narcissist?
There are a lot of articles on the internet about narcissists. With a little googling we can learn some of the characteristics of a narcissist and that being narcissistic is a personality disorder.
Here are some examples from the Mayo Clinic
- Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Expects to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerates achievements and talents
- Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believe that he/she is superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
- Requires constant admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement…
If you are in contact with a narcissist, I’m sure you could add a few definitions of your own to this list.
There’s more than one type of narcissist, too
It may interest you to know that narcissists can manifest in a few different types, some examples being
- The introvert narcissist (“Oh, you don’t want to worry about me, I did this and it’s amazing, but no need to talk about it, no, no it’s fine…well if you insist…”)
- The overt narcissist (“Well yes, you know, it WAS me and I really think most people underrate me for my skills and abilities – give me some time and I’ll explain in some depth how I always get overlooked.”)
- The covert narcissist (“Let’s just stay home and we can spend all our time together, after all you know how uncomfortable I get in big crowds and I like my ‘you’ time”)
- The parasitic narcissist (“I know I said I would start looking for a job this month, but my back has flared up again and I need to take another break, you understand…”)
- The cerebral narcissist (“She’s not very clever you know, I have ten times the knowledge and I didn’t even study that subject – let me tell you what I know and how I know it…”)
- The somatic narcissist (“You know how important appearance is to me, get my green juice ready at 7am sharp so I can get to the gym, keep in shape, have plenty of time to change – did you get press my clean shirt?”.).
Sometimes narcissists can shift between 2 types, somatic to cerebral, for example.
What about the narcissist’s Personal Energy Field?
Here are some things I have noticed in my travels as a Personal Energy Coach. If you want to avoid getting involved with a narcissist or recognize one in your family group or circle of friends, this is (IMHO) how narcissistic energy manifests.
The first thing to understand is that if you agree to regularly connect with a narcissist, you may end up becoming ‘narcissistic supply‘.
That means in terms of energetics quite literally, you give, they take.
Initially, it may not seem that way. If in an intimate relationship or close friendship with a narcissist, you may be having a blast and be feeling wonderful, since this person is giving you so much attention, praise, and connection. It’s amazing! Just what you had always dreamed of.
And once you are emotionally (and energetically) connected, the tables will start to turn and the flow of energy will switch.
The ‘glow’ you felt at the beginning of your connection will be a vague memory, unless, that is, the narcissist feels your attention waning, in which case he/she will switch the headlights back on in your direction to top you up and get you back on line.
The energetic difference between a narcissist and you
The difference is, quite often, that a narcissist gets their vital force, energy, ‘chi’, whatever you want to call it, from others. Sounds a bit scary, but the upside is they can only ever get it from you with your agreement.
If you have a regular spiritual practice and connect with g-d, the Greater Than Self, group consciousness and Gaia or put your word here _____________ then you won’t need to get your vital force from anyone else in a body. Nor would you want to. Simple as that.
In the case of a narcissistic personality disordered person, their energy field as been disrupted by a series of events. It could have been one huge trauma, but more often than not narcissistic habits derive from a long drawn out experience of bad parenting.
You may have been subject to bad parenting of course, but in your case as Patricia Evans would say in her amazing book Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You, you will have had a parent or carer who was a ‘compassionate witness’.
Your compassionate witness may have been silent, but they saw how you were mistreated and knew it was wrong, and you felt it and therefore knew that there was a different universe out there waiting for you.
In the case of a narcissist, he/she had no one present to witness their suffering, so the person came to believe that this behavior was natural and normal, disrupting their own energy flow in the process, shutting down their inner self and learning to put out feelers to others to make themselves feel better, just like their parents did.
So, can you feel when your energy is being taken? That is one way to identify a narcissist.